You know when you've been 'Tangoed'

During the 2004/05 season the Crystal Palarse Chairman, Mr Simon Jordan, known affectionately as 'Tangoman' to his admirers because of his sinister addiction to the fizzy pop drink and Sun Bed sessions, blurted out a caustic and rather derogatory comment aimed at his fellow Premiership Chairman.

Apparently he called all chairmen 'Tossers'. The fact that Jordan, pictured above holding his arm after being diagnosed as having 'wankers cramp', was too a chairmen flew right over the zest of his rind coloured barnet.

To their credit the chairmen from the clubs representing the Premiership declined to comment on such banal rantings from such an insignificant irritant, instead they clubbed together and secretly arranged his and his clubs transfer to the fizzy pop league by stuffing their arses week-in and week-out, leaving the 'coup-de-gras' to the famous Robins on the last day of the season.

Having watched his beloved Charlton storm to a 2-2 draw that proved enough to kick Jordan and his sorry arsed Crystal Palarse out of the Prem, Charlton chairmen, Dicky Murray, hid behind the door of the boardroom waiting to ambush Tango with a quirky quip of his own that he believed the occasion clearly appeared to warrant.
As Jordan entered the room Murray, pictured left with his imitation tango suit he had made especially for the game, fronted the now forlorn Jordan and quipped, 'Good luck in the championship, you tosser...'

As Jordan turned on his heels and headed of to the nearest WH Smiths to by a road map of the lower league grounds he was heard to issue a torrent of abuse towards his erstwhile host and promise to exact his revenge for the utter humiliation at the hands of Murray, who was by now laughing so hideously he'd actually suffered a bout of stress incontinence and was swiftly whisked off to the baby changing room to change his urinary soiled underpants.

After a season and half of boring the shite out of visiting Chairmen with his post match story of the Tangoman's humbling, rumblings were being rumbled that Jordan was plotting his vengeance upon his tormentor. After his connived plan 'A' of installing Dowie as the new Charlton manager fell by the wayside after just 12 matches, plan 'B', the appointment of the second least likely candidate of the season, Les Reed, was brought into play and Jordan's 'cunning plan' was back on track.

Ever since then, the dramatic and seemingly unstoppable slide into the hokey cokey league has apparently caused Mr Murray many a night tossing and turning in his sleep with nightmares often ending with a strangely orange-shaded figure jumping out of the 'J Block on the last day of the season, grabbing him by the hand and screaming hysterically..'Welcome to the Championship, you tosser.....'

Sources state top psychiatric help has been summoned to the Valley in order to help the inconsolable Murray, who now only sleeps 90 minutes every Saturday, in order to block the 'You know when you been Tangoed' syndrome from his now feeble mind. Prozac is now the order of the day and it has been rumoured Murray has had a 'prozac dispensing machine' installed into the board room following advice from his doctors.

Moral of the story? Before trying to emulate a smart arse by becoming a smart arse, try to remember one interesting point from history, 'what goes around, usually comes around.' In the mean time, Mr Murray, just keep taking the tablets....